A Message to My Faculty As We Begin a New Year

Ephesians 4: 25 & 26, 31 & 32

25. Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger. 31. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

While I was a doctoral student, I saw the painful and abrupt end to two relationships. The first was between my mentor and my advisor. George and Dorothy worked together for decades. They joked that they were work spouses. Dorothy was godparent to George’s children. George was godparent to Dorothy’s. They spent every day working side-by-side. On the morning of May 23, 1994, the two worked across from one another at Dorothy’s kitchen table. As they worked, they watched Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis’ funeral on t.v. Dorothy commented that Jackie died too young. George remarked that at least she had a full life. Hours later, on his fifty-fifth birthday, George collapsed in the showers at Georgia State University's gym - having heart attack after swimming laps. He died shortly thereafter. Part of Dorothy died that day as well - her professional moorings. While she stayed at the university for six more years, it was never the same.

The second relationship was between two other colleagues. Both men were (and are) leaders in their complementary fields. Each were (and are) exceptional teachers. If you took your dissertation seriously and if you wanted to make sure it was as strong as possible, then you made sure these two men were on your committee. Early in my program, it was clear that the two men were also close friends - some would even say best friends. The break was sudden and unequivocal. I do not know exactly why. It may have been because one experienced an unimaginable personal tragedy and his friend and colleague may not have responded as expected or hoped. Whatever the reasons, the two worked in strained civility thereafter. At one point, one of the men shared his thoughts with me, “It’s like we’re married. Only worse. Here, there’s no way out.”

I’ve often thought about those comments. In many universities, colleagues stay together longer than couples are married. According to the New York Times, the majority of married couples do not stay married for 25 years. In contrast, many academics remain in the field (often at the same institution) more than 25 years. Short of changing institutions (which is more and more difficult to do as one invests years into an institution), and we begin to see truth in my professor’s comments: there’s no way out.

Great message for the new year: “Be nice to each other because there’s no way out,” right? Allow me to soften the message - or, more aptly, shift the focus. I don’t believe this is a bad thing. There’s a sense of an arranged marriage among colleagues in a department/university. As Epstein notes in his NPR interview , people who enter arranged marriages can build love over time. He notes that at the beginning there are very few expectations among the couple because so much is unknown. He also notes that, in contrast, the families who've played a role in arranging the marriage often have high expectations and a strong desire for the relationship to work. In addition, he contends that the key to these relationships growing over time is vulnerability - a willingness to be open to growing and changing with one another.

So, how might this translate? We are together by design. At some point, stakeholders at Ashland University chose each of us to be here. We are here to share in the mission of the institution. As with the arranged marriages noted above, those who put us together (and, yes, that changed over time, but each generation of stakeholders shared the same intentions) want us to grow together and thrive. This will require commitment to one another and, in spite of our differences and possible struggles, a willingness to move past conflict and work together. As the verses in Ephesians direct us, we cannot let anger and disagreement force us out of relationship with one another.

Last year we worked on building blocks to keep us in relationship with one another. We used Patterson et al.’s work, Crucial Conversations, as a framework for working through differences. We also explored one another’s strengths through the Gallup Strengthsfinder to see how our strengths can complement one another and how differences may be a matter of different strengths. This year, we will continue this work. We will continue to reference the “pool of shared meaning” that we create together. We will continue to find ways to be vulnerable with one another.

So, as we begin the year, I ask each of you to think about your relationships with your colleagues. I know there are times when you disagree with individuals in the College. I know there are times when you disagree with me. Your perspectives and passions are important, but they cannot be the source of division and isolation. We need each other, and we have far greater capacity for positive impact at Ashland University and beyond when we work together. I hope that you saw the power of our community in the many events that took place during faculty college week. I think those moments in meetings and at our "open mic night" were glimpses of the wonderful things to come. So, as we move forward, my prayer is that we do so in ways that are “kind,” “tenderhearted,” and “forgiving.” Create welcoming opportunities for those who may have withdrawn last year. Seek out opportunities to serve our students and community together. Recognize the incredible potential for impact we all have when we work together. Thank you. Here’s to a blessed year.